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Al Franken's big, fat mistake

By Dena Ross
web posted January 19, 2004

So Al Franken has decided to use his big mouth to further pollute our ears with his liberal insights. What's next? High school dropout Sean Penn becoming an expert on US foreign policy?

Al FrankenFranken has teamed up with Progress Media in an effort to host a live, daily radio talk show. This seems like the beginning of a liberal drive to conquer one of the only mediums they haven't been able to sink their paws into yet. However, conservatives fear not! If the past is any indication of what's to come, Franken will fail miserably, like so many of his predecessors have (read: former New York Governor Mario Cuomo, Gary Hart, Doug Wilder, etc.).

The never tactful, yet usually on the money, Ann Coulter said it best: "Conservative radio talk show hosts have a built-in audience unavailable to liberals: People driving cars to some sort of job."

In all seriousness, conservatives have traditionally flocked to radio as an escape from liberally dominated print and broadcast media. As Ann said, conservative talk shows already have their audience. Conservatives like listening to radio talk shows. Not only do they get to hear about stories that are largely ignored by other outlets, but they get to participate as well. Liberals aren't interested in talk radio. If they were, liberal radio commentators would be household names, which they aren't. There is no liberal Rush equivilent out there right now. That's why Franken has stepped up to the plate. Apparently, he's going to change all that. Let's not hold our breath people.

Liberals don't know how to argue and they definately don't know how to articulate. They do know how to put up a fight however, though it's usually akin to the school-yard bully type. Anybody can name call, but when it comes to civilized, intelligent debate, conservatives have the ball in their court. Who's going to want to listen to "Bush sucks" over and over? At least when conservatives have beef with someone or something, they back up their opinions with cold, hard facts.

In Franken's conservative-bashing book, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, he writes "God choose me to write this book." When asked by the multi-religious webzine Beliefnet to address why, in fact, the Almighty tapped him to be the barer of conservative lies, he says, "Because He's pissed off at Bush, whose friends have been going around saying he felt he was chosen at this time to lead the nation, presumably by God. God actually chose Al Gore, and got him the popular and electoral vote, which is usually sufficient."

It's nice to know that of all the liberals in the world God could have chosen to write such liberal Gospel, He picked the one who must have been smoking up as he ditched his high-school government class. Bush did win the electoral vote. It's only when democrats lose presidential races that liberals all of a sudden want to amend our Constitution.

It's such backward comments as his "God choose me" remark, as satiric as it may have been, that makes me confident that Franken will fall on his face when it comes down to actually having valid, well-argued points. If he wants to rely on humor and name-calling alone, I'm sure big, fat idiot Rush Limbaugh (Franken's words, not mine) will put him in his place when it comes down to not only ratings, but actually saying something worth listening to.

Dena Ross works for the online magazine Beliefnet and has worked for Nickelodeon Magazine.

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