By Michael Moriarty
And a lot of other obscenities.
I wish you had told me how ill you were.
You must have known then when we met for the last time in Montreal!
You certainly knew how ill you were when you gave me a script to read where I play a dying man in a hospital bed.
And what do I do?!?!
I say, “No, Larry! I’ve done my last Larry Cohen film. You keep asking for too many takes!”
I don’t know it’s you in that bed!
We’re the same age!
I’ve had heart failure and given six months to live?!
12 years later I’m still alive?!
Plus, I say, “Larry, I can no longer get insurance to protect your film.”
He said, “I’ve never paid for insurance for actors. I just shoot the film.”
I’m diagnosed with death in six months and you predecease me?!?!?!
Whenever I got tired on one of his films – we shot long hours and late into the night – I’d ask Larry to do his Ed Wynn impression!
I have always adored Ed Wynn!!
Larry so became Ed Wynn I almost cried laughing in tears of bliss and was good for another hour of work.
Now I’m weeping like a baby and angry as a wounded lion that, when I last saw you, you didn’t tell me how sick you were and that the character in that hospital on his apparent death bed was you!
You asked me to star again in what is or would have been your last film, and I say “No” because you ask for too many takes!
If I’d have known the truth, I’d have screamed at you while we filmed, demanded some Ed Wynn, kissed you on the top of your head and done another take.
But now you’re gone!
You’ll be visiting me in my office, however.
Your picture will now go up on my wall and out of that photo you will leap and shake your finger at me for being so stupid and then launch into Ed Wynn.
Don’t take too long filling out Heaven’s paperwork.
I want to hear you forgive me for being so blind.
Michael Moriarty is a Golden Globe and Emmy Award-winning actor who starred in the landmark television series Law and Order from 1990 to 1994. His recent film and TV credits include The Yellow Wallpaper, 12 Hours to Live, Santa Baby and Deadly Skies. Contact Michael at email@example.com. He can be found on Twitter at https://twitter.com/@MGMoriarty.