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Allah is still hunting you, Osama!

By Michael Moriarty
web posted May 10, 2004

How's the couscous, Osama?

I know you're wolfing it down in a cave somewhere.

How are the other hyenas you dine with?

Are they smiling like Arafat used to? We don't see much of him these days.

The news about your other pal, Saddam, is not likely to bring a tear to your eye. You always knew he was a coward but useful. He was Robespierre to your Napoleon. He was a John the Baptist to your wannabe Christ.

Osama bin LadenOh, please, Osama, no false modesty now. The costume gives you away every time — the robes of the Nazarene, His sandals, the beard and the ever so soft-spoken way of your evil.

If you're Christ, then I'm King Herod. You're Judas, and I'm Allah come for vengeance.

I was there when you asked yourself the big question: "Why has not Islam built an empire the equal of the Judeo-Christian civilization?"

Your answer? "We have no Christ."

Well, when you asked and answered yourself that question, you were playing Iago to your own Othello.

"Jealousy, Osama. It is the green-eyed monster."

Now the beastly theology you've created is running all over Iraq, destroying its own nation as certainly as Othello pulled the knife on himself, and obviously you couldn't be happier. It's all going according to schedule.

However, are the English-speaking people going to give you the "PAS" you so profoundly desire, the "Police-Assisted Suicide" you beg for as history's greatest living hostage-taker?


Sorry, big shot. Allah has a much more humiliating fate in store for you than that. He's been trading secrets with his brother Yahweh and They've come up with Their own game plan for you.

When Islam finally realizes that you look down on Mohammed as you look down on Hussein, I don't think Allah's flock will be too pleased.

However, when they discover that your own game plan has not been ripped out of the Koran but out of the Bible and the Book of Revelation, they'll certainly put a contract out on you. If a Khomeini can call a holy war against an English-speaking Muslim, Allah can certainly put a fatwa on you.

However, you're not going to get the PAS you're begging for. Allah likes Yahweh's suggestion that you don't die the death of Christ but that, like Judas, you find a rope and hang yourself.

You've already revealed how perfect you are for that role. You've betrayed Allah, looked down on Mohammed, and stained the memory of Islam forever, as certainly as Hitler put the mark of Cain on the entire German culture. You're quite a piece of work.

Now Allah is hunting you, Osama, and he doesn't need a commercial flight to find you.

The cave you're in is really not that much different from the jail cell you'll spend the rest of your days in. Your captors will feed you all the couscous you want. They'll hand you the daily Arabic newspapers, so you can keep in touch with your falling approval rating. The lights in the prison will be on all night, so you can read the writing on the wall at any hour of the day or night.

"It is written," Osama! And having written, the guiding hand moves on.

You are not facing the fate you so deeply desire, a Christ-like crucifixion. Yours will be the fate of Judas. Christ hasn't ordered it. Allah and Mohammed have. Christians are going to keep you alive while your God and Islam make sure you die a death ordained in your own heretical manual.

Need I remind you, if you haven't caught on yet, you are not the Second Coming that you think you are. You're Judas, Osama. Roll your memory of the Bible back to the four Gospels. It's not a pretty fate.

They don't have a character quite like Judas in the Koran. You look down on that book because there's no Christ in it. Therefore, you seem bent upon writing a new chapter to what is considered the utter, complete and final word of Allah.

"An Islamic Christ has risen," you cry. "I, Osama bin Laden, am the light and the only way to Allah's heaven."

You are not the Second Coming inflicting the final judgment upon humanity. You're not even as great as the Beast itself which Christ defeats. You're one of the legions of psychotic preachers who work for the Beast. If you'll remember your Bible reading, your boss, the Beast, is imprisoned for a thousand years, then escapes for a bit of killing and couscous, then is finally destroyed forever.

You set the terms, Osama. You said it would be a war of the Gods: Allah versus Yahweh. What you don't know is that both of those Deities are the heroes in a buddy film. It has a touch of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid about it, but in Their own Eyes Allah and Yahweh are two seemingly different roles played by the same Actor. We're in a war of theater as deeply as we are in a theater of war. You want to entirely change the script written for Islam. Some Muslim members in that acting company aren't quite as enthused with your rewrites as you are. There will no doubt be an off-stage mutiny. You're a Muslim plagiarizing from the Judeo-Christian Bible, therefore a heretic, an evil producer, an odious director and, as a playwright, you're more heretical than Salman Rushdie.

Allah is still hunting you, Osama.

Michael Moriarty is a Golden Globe and Emmy Award winning actor who has appeared in the landmark television series Law and Order, the mini-series Taken, and the recent TV-movie The 4400. He has just been nominated for a Leo Award (celebrating excellence in British Columbia film) for best supporting actor for his work in the film Mob Princess.

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