Allah is still hunting you, Osama!

By Michael Moriarty
web posted May 10, 2004

How's the couscous, Osama?

I know you're wolfing it down in a cave somewhere. 

How are the other hyenas you dine with? 

Are they smiling like Arafat used to? We don't see much of him
these days.

The news about your other pal, Saddam, is not likely to bring a
tear to your eye. You always knew he was a coward but useful.
He was Robespierre to your Napoleon. He was a John the
Baptist to your wannabe Christ.

Oh, please, Osama, no false modesty now. The costume gives
you away every time — the robes of the Nazarene, His sandals,
the beard and the ever so soft-spoken way of your evil.

If you're Christ, then I'm King Herod. You're Judas, and I'm
Allah come for vengeance.

I was there when you asked yourself the big question: "Why has
not Islam built an empire the equal of the Judeo-Christian
civilization?"

Your answer? "We have no Christ."

Well, when you asked and answered yourself that question, you
were playing Iago to your own Othello.

"Jealousy, Osama. It is the green-eyed monster."

Now the beastly theology you've created is running all over Iraq,
destroying its own nation as certainly as Othello pulled the knife
on himself, and obviously you couldn't be happier. It's all going
according to schedule.

However, are the English-speaking people going to give you the
"PAS" you so profoundly desire, the "Police-Assisted Suicide"
you beg for as history's greatest living hostage-taker?

No.

Sorry, big shot. Allah has a much more humiliating fate in store
for you than that. He's been trading secrets with his brother
Yahweh and They've come up with Their own game plan for
you.

When Islam finally realizes that you look down on Mohammed
as you look down on Hussein, I don't think Allah's flock will be
too pleased.

However, when they discover that your own game plan has not
been ripped out of the Koran but out of the Bible and the Book
of Revelation, they'll certainly put a contract out on you. If a
Khomeini can call a holy war against an English-speaking
Muslim, Allah can certainly put a fatwa on you.

However, you're not going to get the PAS you're begging for.
Allah likes Yahweh's suggestion that you don't die the death of
Christ but that, like Judas, you find a rope and hang yourself.

You've already revealed how perfect you are for that role.
You've betrayed Allah, looked down on Mohammed, and
stained the memory of Islam forever, as certainly as Hitler put the
mark of Cain on the entire German culture. You're quite a piece
of work.

Now Allah is hunting you, Osama, and he doesn't need a
commercial flight to find you.

The cave you're in is really not that much different from the jail
cell you'll spend the rest of your days in. Your captors will feed
you all the couscous you want. They'll hand you the daily Arabic
newspapers, so you can keep in touch with your falling approval
rating. The lights in the prison will be on all night, so you can read
the writing on the wall at any hour of the day or night.

"It is written," Osama! And having written, the guiding hand
moves on.

You are not facing the fate you so deeply desire, a Christ-like
crucifixion. Yours will be the fate of Judas. Christ hasn't ordered
it. Allah and Mohammed have. Christians are going to keep you
alive while your God and Islam make sure you die a death
ordained in your own heretical manual.

Need I remind you, if you haven't caught on yet, you are not the
Second Coming that you think you are. You're Judas, Osama.
Roll your memory of the Bible back to the four Gospels. It's not
a pretty fate.

They don't have a character quite like Judas in the Koran. You
look down on that book because there's no Christ in it.
Therefore, you seem bent upon writing a new chapter to what is
considered the utter, complete and final word of Allah.

"An Islamic Christ has risen," you cry. "I, Osama bin Laden, am
the light and the only way to Allah's heaven."

You are not the Second Coming inflicting the final judgment upon
humanity. You're not even as great as the Beast itself which
Christ defeats. You're one of the legions of psychotic preachers
who work for the Beast. If you'll remember your Bible reading,
your boss, the Beast, is imprisoned for a thousand years, then
escapes for a bit of killing and couscous, then is finally destroyed
forever.

You set the terms, Osama. You said it would be a war of the
Gods: Allah versus Yahweh. What you don't know is that both
of those Deities are the heroes in a buddy film. It has a touch of
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid about it, but in Their own
Eyes Allah and Yahweh are two seemingly different roles played
by the same Actor. We're in a war of theater as deeply as we
are in a theater of war. You want to entirely change the script
written for Islam. Some Muslim members in that acting company
aren't quite as enthused with your rewrites as you are. There will
no doubt be an off-stage mutiny. You're a Muslim plagiarizing
from the Judeo-Christian Bible, therefore a heretic, an evil
producer, an odious director and, as a playwright, you're more
heretical than Salman Rushdie.

Allah is still hunting you, Osama.

Michael Moriarty is a Golden Globe and Emmy Award winning actor
who has appeared in the landmark television series Law and Order,
the mini-series Taken, and the recent TV-movie The 4400. He has 
just been nominated for a Leo Award (celebrating excellence in 
British Columbia film) for best supporting actor for his work 
in the film Mob Princess.

Enter Stage Right -- http://www.enterstageright.com