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Carnivorous and proud
By William Dusty
I sat back in my lounge chair one fine spring afternoon, a book resting in my lap as I readied to take in a few chapters under the warming rays of the sun. But instead of opening up the old literary favorite of mine, my mind began to wander, and my thoughts drifted back to the evening before. Yes, it was just the last evening, I sighed, when I sat down at the dinner table to dine on the most exquisite half-pound of roasted beast I had ever sank my teeth into. It glistened in its own aromatic juices, shimmering in the dim light of the dining room where I feasted. And it was truly delicious, I remember. Indeed, it was far more than a mere evening meal. It was an emotional experience.
You see, I just love eating the flesh of dead animals. Nothing pleases me more than slicing into a thick hunk of freshly cooked meat and watching the blood and juices gush forth onto my plate. I've had dreams of grilled beef, all smothered in onions and garlic, or shish-ka-bobbed along with fresh vegetables over an open fire. How can anyone not be overwhelmed by the magnificent aroma of steak roasting on a barbeque? Just thinking about meat makes my nose tingle and my mouth water.
And it's not only dead land animals that I crave. Seafood is one of my absolute favorites - especially lobster and shellfish. Lobsters are particularly delightful because you can play with them while you wait for their "bath" water to boil. I remember one recent occasion when I tried to douse a freshly acquired lobster into a vat of boiling of water. He splayed himself out like a terrified cat as he desperately fought to stave off his doom. (He tasted delicious!) But I do feel pity for the lowly Maine Steamers. The very name of these clams tells of their only real purpose in life. So I always make sure to give them a nice cold, refreshing rinsing before I steam their little bodies to just the right tenderness. And of course their heads are just perfect for grasping onto to dip in hot butter. Nature's finger food. Yummy!
Poultry is also another great food to dine on - as long as it's cooked properly. There's chicken, turkey, pheasant, and all kinds of waterfowl. Heck, in a pinch, even pigeons can provide you with a good light snack.
There are a variety of ways to obtain animals for eating, with the supermarket being the most convenient option. And you'd also be surprised by what you can find in your very own back yard (raccoon, squirrel, and opossum, to name a few). Just remember the Golden Rule when opting to hunt for animals on your own: If it is cute or majestic to behold, it is probably illegal for you to kill it. Eagles, hawks, and most other large birds of prey are no-nos for your dinner table. So are cute little song birds for the most part. Ugly birds that merely squawk and eat insects and bread crumbs are okay though. On land, deer are an exception to the rule (although I personally never found them either "cute" or particularly majestic). They require a permit and can only be hunted "in season". And even fish require a license. When fishing out on the open ocean, be sure not to kill dolphins. They are considered both cute and majestic. But feel free to catch and kill all the ugly tuna you desire.
No matter what your age group, ethnic background, gender, or political affiliation, always try to remember that animal meat is your friend. Not only does it taste great, but it's very nutritional, too. We are, after all, omnivores - and that means we're at least partially carnivores. We're also at the very top of the food chain (well, most of the time), so we've got dibs!
Animals were put on this earth for just two reasons: To eat and to be eaten. If you don't dine on Bambi, some other beast will. So have at it - sink your canine teeth into that thick, juicy steak and revel in its glorious, mouth-watering flavor.
Be carnivorous! And be proud!
This is William Dusty's first contribution to Enter Stage Right. (c) 2004 William Dusty.
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