What'll we do with Winnie the Pooh?
By Michael Moriarty
The Chairman of Latin American Communism Dr. Fidel Castro is still wallowing in the great Red Miracle: decades ago, he single-handedly made fools of U.S. President John F. Kennedy and Canada's Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. During Black October 1970, two Friends of Fidel assassinated a Quebec Cabinet Minister right under Trudeau's nose. Castro gave the assassins sanctuary after they fled Canada. Even so, Trudeau always sucked up to Castro. Today, six years after Trudeau's death, his legacy is being reassessed as profoundly damaging to Canada by a new generation of leaders, historians and journalists. If Canada has become an ideal staging ground for a full-bore terrorist assault on the United States, it is in large part due to the extremely lax immigration and refugee policies introduced by Trudeau 25 years ago.
Castro lied to Kennedy about the Revolution. Castro received Kennedy's "I'll stay out of the way" approval and then abolished all forms of private property in Cuba, confiscating American industries and other holdings. Then Fidel puts the whole world at risk by importing Russian atomic weapons during the Cuban Missile Crisis. This debacle won the Stalinists a piece of real estate in Turkey, previously occupied by the U.S. military. Whether the indigenous Russians living there wanted America to leave, we'll never know, because no one ever heard from them again.
So, after the collapse of the Soviet Union, Dr. Castro perforce transferred his allegiance from Moscow to Beijing. Forty-seven years after the Cuban Revolution, the old dictator still runs his Island Psychiatric Hospital with an iron hand. His lengthy rule is made possible by the steady stream of Canadian tourists who parade their anti-Americanism by flying down from the Great White North and bringing planeloads of money to his asylum.
"One must keep the patients happy!," Dr. Castro observes. And they are quite sedated, according to the reports I hear from Cuban-loving Canadians, most of whom look as equally stoned as the Cubans are now. Many Canadian visitors tell me how the whole Cuban population is spaced out on marijuana... so Canadians arriving with money and B.C. Skunk (marijuana) are on the mark. One female Canadian tourist told of how peacefully stoned the Cubans were but... well, it was pathetic to the eyes of this North American.
The other Canadian, a male driver on a movie set who visits Cuba four times a year, was stoned all the ding-dong day. Naturally, he's quite happy with the island paradise.
Winnie the Pooh. Yes, that title slips out of a very hip fringe film – very in, very Red and very smug. When Communist comedians (Comicon?) start referring to the Latin Bear Fidel as Winnie the Pooh, it's a bit like David Letterman and Jay Leno doing John Kerry jokes. It humanizes the Castro man, who is demonic and beyond any redemptive humanization!
Castro would look great in the same cell as Saddam Hussein. What a set of Bobsey Twins they'd make: "haircuts and a shave, all around, Italian style." The memories of French-speaking Quebecers are certainly as long as those of Spanish-speaking Americans; and the most vibrant Hispanic memories live in the Free Cubans of Miami. They have much to serve up to Winnie and, God willing, they'll have a President like me to back them up with more than a Bay of Pigs.
I pledge that if Red China invades Taiwan, we'll invade Cuba! It's chess. Taiwan and Cuba are not pawns; they are Knights of Freedom! If America tried to defend Taiwan, we'd destroy it. We learned that lesson in Vietnam! The South Vietnamese were so corrupted by French occupation, they didn't care about anything, let alone freedom, whereas Taiwan is like the Philippines back in WW2, when the great General Douglas MacArthur was forced to make a strategic retreat, but with the words "I shall return!" reassuring those left behind. We shall indeed return to free Taiwan, which will rejoice in its freedom as we liberate the mainland from the yoke of Maoism!
So what shall we do with Winnie the Pooh?
First, we hunt down his minions in North America and then we arrange for Fidel Castro to occupy the same Death Row prison cell as Saddam Hussein.
Michael Moriarty is a Golden Globe and Emmy Award-winning actor who has appeared in the landmark television series Law and Order, the mini-series Taken, and the TV-movie The 4400. He recently starred in Pick Me Up, an episode of the Showtime TV series Masters of Horror. Michael Moriarty is also running for President of the United States in 2008 as a candidate for the Realists Party. To find out more about Moriarty's presidential campaign, contact
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