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The Crown: Part Sixteen

By Michael Moriarty
web posted July 13th, 2020

The increasingly infamous dinner at the White House, President Lyndon B. Johnson hosting Princess Margaret of England?!

It is, at first, viewed through the reportage of Prime Minister Wilson to Queen Elizabeth’s frequently shocked face.

Margaret’s remarks about President John F. Kennedy?

As PM Wilson describes it, “Less than discreet.”

It is, by now, no surprise to any of us that President Johnson agreed “thoroughly” to Princess Margaret’s low opinion of Kennedy.

LBJ apparently said that President Kennedy “would kill his own mother just to take the skin off her ass to make a drum to sing his own praises!”

As a highly suspected member of the cabal that helped assemble the very trio on the Grassy Knoll to deliver the kill shot on Kennedy, along with head of the CIA at the time, George H. W. Bush, President Johnson behaved as if the entire world knew of his guilt and were cheering him on for having called for “the coup”!

Then the two “stars of the dinner”, President and sister to the Queen of England, leapt into a drinking contest!

“LAST MAN OR WOMAN STANDING!”

Queen Elizabeth’s face and her “what?!” response to the news?! Only one of a thousand superb moments of acting in this divine television series.

The White House race to inebriation included a shock competition!

Who could be naughtiest?!

One sample from the Princess:

“There was a young woman
From Delaware
Who liked to make love
In her underwear!

A terrible prude!
She would never go nude!
Her bum, hips and tits?!
She would never bare!”

The President’s rejoinder?!

“There was a young man from Wisconsin
Who was blessed with an enormously large ‘Johnson’!”


“What is the rest of it,” asks the Queen.

“Apparently,” replies Wilson, “everyone thought that was long enough.”

“Anymore?!” asks the Queen.

“The Princess,” says Wilson, “seems to have won the prize with this one!”

“There was a young lady from Dallas
Who used a dynamite stick as a phallus!
They found her vagina
In North Carolina!
And her ass in Buckingham Palace!”

“Then,” adds the Queen to their conversation, “there apparently was dancing!”

Then singing!

Then the Queen completes the reportage for us by announcing the bailout was agreed upon and the very “special relationship” between the Princess and the President of the United States grew “more special than ever”!

“And all,” exclaims the Queen, “because Margaret was all the things I’d explicitly asked her not to be! All the things I could never be? Instinctive! Spontaneous! Dazzling!”

In short: Sister Margaret’s Americanization of England!

Whereas, the Queen confesses to only being “Predictable. Dependable. Reliable.”

In the end, the Queen is willing to smile and accept her husband’s final judgement: “You’re a dazzling cabbage!” ESR

Michael Moriarty is a Golden Globe and Emmy Award-winning actor who starred in the landmark television series Law and Order from 1990 to 1994. His recent film and TV credits include The Yellow Wallpaper, 12 Hours to Live, Santa Baby and Deadly Skies. Contact Michael at rainbowfamily2008@shaw.ca. He can be found on Twitter at https://twitter.com/@MGMoriarty

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