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Holiday torture – Christmasboarding liberals

By J.J. Jackson
web posted December 17, 2007

When the founding fathers repeatedly referred to God through various flowery and reverent terms in the Declaration of Independence, there was a reason for it.  The reason is that they believed in God as men of deep Judeo-Christian faith.

When George Washington prayed at Valley Forge he did not do so just because he thought that it might have been a novel idea.  No, there was a deeper reason for it.  That reason was his Christian faith.

When the founding fathers as one proudly proclaimed in writing upon signing the United States Constitution that they did such "in the year of our Lord", they did not do so for window dressing.  They did so because they all believed in some way in the Christian God.

When John Adams stated boldly that the constitution, "was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other," he didn't just blurt those words out.  No, he said them because he, like so many others believed in God and had engrained that faith into our country and our founding documents.

Now, I could go on and on and spend this entire article citing historical examples that tie the Judeo-Christian faith into the very fabric of America.  But what I would rather do is make a joyous suggestion to everyone.  That suggestion is to do your civic duty this Christmas season and annoy a liberal.

How?  Well I am glad you asked!  Annoy them by subjecting them to a torture that is so unbearable, so repulsive, so unmentionable in polite company that you will no doubt be hearing rumblings from the United Nations about how it should be made illegal.  Am I talking about waterboarding?  Heck no.  I am talking about something far worse.  So please, consider Christmasboarding a liberal while you still can.

What is Christmasboarding?

It's quite simple really.  Anytime a liberal approaches you in the coming days and wants to deny reality this Christmas, you simply hit them over the head with the truth.  The great thing is that you don't actually have to tie them down to do this because they will be so incensed with their own outrage that you would dare put reality before them that they will be paralyzed and unable to move.  Thus making your task all the easier.

When a liberal steeped in political correctness approaches you and wishes you "Happy Holidays" you simply respond by saying, "And a Merry Christmas to you."

When the liberal chides you for being so "exclusive" in your greeting, you simply again wish them a "Merry Christmas".

When the liberal complains that you are being "insensitive" by not including all faiths in your wishes of good tiding you yet again wish them, this time with a smile, a "Merry Christmas".

When the liberal points wildly at the beautifully decorated tree in the town square and shouts, "Don't you see the ‘Holiday Tree'?!?" you get an even bigger grin and say, "Yes, I see the Christmas Tree."  And then again wish them a "Merry Christmas."

Now, red faced and distraught, the liberal will start demanding answers to other questions trying in vain to escape from your clutches and the horrific experience you are putting them through.  When they ask you through foaming spit if you even understand how Jesus was not even born on December 25th.  You just smile and say, "I know and Merry Christmas."

When the liberal raises his or her voice to a fevered scream and asks you if you even know that this "Christmas" thing used to be a pagan holiday, you just keep smiling and say, "Yes," and quickly follow with, "Merry Christmas."

When he or she threatens to call the police on you for harassing them by refusing to stop saying "Merry Christmas," you swell with pride and say, "Good, then I can wish our law enforcement a Merry Christmas too!"

At this point you will hear a loud "pop".  That is the sound of the liberal's brain burning out and you will see a blank stare cross their face and they will collapse into the fetal position, begin sucking on their thumbs and muttering over and over, "Separation of church and state ... I will not recognize religion exists ... the ACLU will save me ..."

And then you can just walk away and search for the next liberal to Christmasboard.

Merry Christmas and have fun! ESR

J.J. Jackson is a libertarian conservative author who has been writing and promoting individual liberty since 1993 and is President of Land of the Free Studios, Inc. He is the lead editor of Conservative News & Opinion – The Land of the Free and also the owner of The Right Things – Conservative T-shirts & Gifts (http://www.cafepress.com/rightthings). His weekly commentary along with exclusives not available anywhere else can be found at http://www.libertyreborn.com


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