Carnivorous and proud

By William Dusty 
web posted June 21, 2004

I sat back in my lounge chair one fine spring afternoon, a book
resting in my lap as I readied to take in a few chapters under the
warming rays of the sun. But instead of opening up the old
literary favorite of mine, my mind began to wander, and my
thoughts drifted back to the evening before. Yes, it was just the
last evening, I sighed, when I sat down at the dinner table to dine
on the most exquisite half-pound of roasted beast I had ever
sank my teeth into. It glistened in its own aromatic juices,
shimmering in the dim light of the dining room where I feasted.
And it was truly delicious, I remember. Indeed, it was far more
than a mere evening meal. It was an emotional experience.

You see, I just love eating the flesh of dead animals. Nothing
pleases me more than slicing into a thick hunk of freshly cooked
meat and watching the blood and juices gush forth onto my plate.
I've had dreams of grilled beef, all smothered in onions and
garlic, or shish-ka-bobbed along with fresh vegetables over an
open fire. How can anyone not be overwhelmed by the
magnificent aroma of steak roasting on a barbeque? Just thinking
about meat makes my nose tingle and my mouth water.

And it's not only dead land animals that I crave. Seafood is one
of my absolute favorites - especially lobster and shellfish.
Lobsters are particularly delightful because you can play with
them while you wait for their "bath" water to boil. I remember
one recent occasion when I tried to douse a freshly acquired
lobster into a vat of boiling of water. He splayed himself out like
a terrified cat as he desperately fought to stave off his doom. (He
tasted delicious!) But I do feel pity for the lowly Maine
Steamers. The very name of these clams tells of their only real
purpose in life. So I always make sure to give them a nice cold,
refreshing rinsing before I steam their little bodies to just the right
tenderness. And of course their heads are just perfect for
grasping onto to dip in hot butter. Nature's finger food. Yummy!

Poultry is also another great food to dine on - as long as it's
cooked properly. There's chicken, turkey, pheasant, and all
kinds of waterfowl. Heck, in a pinch, even pigeons can provide
you with a good light snack.

There are a variety of ways to obtain animals for eating, with the
supermarket being the most convenient option. And you'd also
be surprised by what you can find in your very own back yard
(raccoon, squirrel, and opossum, to name a few). Just remember
the Golden Rule when opting to hunt for animals on your own: If
it is cute or majestic to behold, it is probably illegal for you to kill
it. Eagles, hawks, and most other large birds of prey are no-nos
for your dinner table. So are cute little song birds for the most
part. Ugly birds that merely squawk and eat insects and bread
crumbs are okay though. On land, deer are an exception to the
rule (although I personally never found them either "cute" or
particularly majestic). They require a permit and can only be
hunted "in season". And even fish require a license. When fishing
out on the open ocean, be sure not to kill dolphins. They are
considered both cute and majestic. But feel free to catch and kill
all the ugly tuna you desire.
 
No matter what your age group, ethnic background, gender, or
political affiliation, always try to remember that animal meat is
your friend. Not only does it taste great, but it's very nutritional,
too. We are, after all, omnivores - and that means we're at least
partially carnivores. We're also at the very top of the food chain
(well, most of the time), so we've got dibs!

Animals were put on this earth for just two reasons: To eat and
to be eaten. If you don't dine on Bambi, some other beast will.
So have at it - sink your canine teeth into that thick, juicy steak
and revel in its glorious, mouth-watering flavor.

Be carnivorous! And be proud! 

This is William Dusty's first contribution to Enter Stage Right. (c)
2004 William Dusty.

Enter Stage Right -- http://www.enterstageright.com