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Hamas for dummies and dimwits

By Harold Witkov
web posted August 11, 2014

The year is 1987.  It is a fun year in American pop culture. The Twins beat the Cardinals in the World Series, the Bill Cosby Show is #1 on TV, Giants QB Phil Simms tells everyone "I'm going to Disneyworld," and the movie bomb of the year is Ishtar .

1987 is also a fun year in Palestinian pop culture. The First Palestinian Intifada "celebration" takes place,  hang gliding into Israel and murdering Israelis is the new rave , the bomb of the year is the Molotov, and  Sheikh Ahmed Yassin, Abdel Aziz al-Rantissi, and Mahmoud Zahar decide to start a new band  -  and name it Hamas.

Nancy Pelosi recently said, "... we have to confer with the Qataris, who have told me over and over again that Hamas is a humanitarian organization." As far as I am concerned, if you want to understand Hamas, I strongly recommend you not get your information from a Qatari.  You see, unlike Nancy Pelosi, I don't believe the Qataris are the most forthright people on the subject, and besides, who among you knows any Qataris anyway?

So what kind of organization is Hamas?  Just keep reading. You've come to the right article.

The name game

Romeo once asked, "What's in a name?" Well, when it comes to Hamas, the answer is: quitea lot! Our first clue about the nature of Hamas is that Hamas is an Arabic word that means zeal. As we all know, people who have zeal are very enthusiastic.  They display determination, fervor, and sometimes even fanaticism. So most Hamas members, it would be safe to say, must be extremely committed individuals.

But Hamas is not just an Arabic word that means zeal, it is an Arabic acronym. This acronym stands for Harakat al-Muqawamah al-Islamiyya, which translates Islamic Resistance Movement. So based on the meanings of the Hamas name and acronym, we can deduce that Hamas is some kind of enthusiastic Islamic resistance group.

The charter

So who exactly are these Islamic Hamas enthusiasts  interested in resisting?  The answer to that question is to be found in the Hamas charter: "Israel will exist and will continue to exist until Islam will obliterate it."  The Hamas charter also states it is looking  forward to the glorious day when  "... the Jews will hide behind rocks and trees, and the rocks and trees will cry out: 'O Moslem, there is a Jew hiding behind me, come and kill him.'"

So Hamas is a radical Islamic organization dedicated to obliterating Israel and killing Jews, right? Well, let's not rush to judgment. Maybe, just maybe, it is all just political rhetoric.  Let's give Hamas the benefit of the doubt and investigate the Hamas organization a little more.

Hamas career opportunities

Hamas offers many  employment opportunities, including jobs as jihad warriors, kidnappers, suicide bombers and tunnel diggers.

Jihad warrior is an exciting profession in which the Hamas jihadist learns the art of internationally illegal and immoral warfare that may include violating ceasefires, hiding behind women and children during military engagements with the Israelis, and firing mortars and rockets from hospital, school, and mosque perimeters. Hamas jihadists are just regular guys who know just how to "fit in." So much so, it is almost always impossible to tell them apart from ordinary Palestinian civilians. Wardrobe options include various face hiding choices, and sometimes IDF lookalike uniforms (only to be worn while on the Zionist side).

Kidnapping is a specialized profession. Kidnapper training may include how to use handcuffs, administer drugs, and various torture and execution techniques.

Hamas suicide bombers are always in demand. Suicide bomb training is not as rigorous as most other Hamas trades. In fact, Hamas suicide bombers do not have to be men;  women and  special needs persons are equally welcome. Recently, Hamas even employed a suicide donkey!

Tunnel digging can be a challenge for adults. Consequently, Hamas often extends tunnel digging employment to children. As a matter of fact, children are often preferred to adults because of their small size, dexterity, and expendability.

Although many of the above discussed Hamas jobs are what might be called short-lived, fringe benefits are nonetheless terrific, including an extensive supply of multiple virgins waiting on the other side. But, to be sure, not all Hamas jobs are dead-end.  For the lucky ones, a very bright future is in the offing. If one can work his way up the Hamas career ladder, he can capitalize on the siphoning off of foreign aid money. Hamas elites even get to live safely in an air-conditioned underground enclave far beneath Gaza City, and safe from those annoying Israeli artillery  barrages and jet fighter attacks.


Hamas is always on the lookout for human shield volunteers. Hamas has also been known to "encourage" volunteering.


Some  believe it is fair to judge people by the friends they keep. While many think this viewpoint might be a bit simplistic, a better case might be made regarding judging people by their best friends. Hamas best friends include Iran, Qatar, and the Muslim Brotherhood.


Back in 2006, Hamas won the Palestinian legislative elections.  Many mainstream media Hamas advocates tried to sell the West on the idea that the Hamas victory had nothing to do with the Hamas charter calling for the destruction of Israel, but was instead about punishing the Fatah party for their blatant corruption and nepotism. Likewise, these Hamas spin masters claimed that Hamas was voted  in because the Palestinian population believed Hamas would do a better job when it came to providing day-to-day basics, i.e., regular garbage pickup.  (Sure hope they were right. There is going to be a big need for professional rubble removal!)

Terrorist organization labeling

The United States, Canada, Israel, and the EU have designated Hamas a terrorist organization. Nonetheless, it is always important to keep an open mind. Always remember, one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter.

Important Hamas people

Sheik Ahmed Yassin: One of the original Hamas founders.  Terminated by the IDF on March 22, 2004.  

Abdel Aziz al Rantisi: One of the original Hamas founders. Terminated  by the IDF on April 17, 2004

Mosab Hassan Yousef:  Oldest son of an important Hamas leader, Mosab Hassan Yousef  was to eventually reject both the ideology and brutality of the Hamas movement, spy for Israel, convert to Christianity, and author the book: Son of Hamas. He is presently an anti-Hamas/pro-Israel  speaker and writer living in the United States.

Khaled Mashal is the present international leader of Hamas. He was born in the Jordanian West Bank, and is now residing in Qatar. (I wonder if he is one of the "Qataris" Nancy Pelosi has been talking to?) ESR

Harold Witkov is an occasional contributor to Enter Stage Right. © 2014 Harold Witkov






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