By Bob Parks
Had a talk with your mom the other day and she told me, from out of the blue, you said, "Welcome to today's edition of the Rush 24/7 podcast."
You told her that's what we listen to while I drive you to school. It made me realize that I have taken the responsibility to raise you as a good conservative woman. Now while you may be too young to understand this now, hopefully you'll read this in the future and all will make sense.
Unlike most parents out there who do so verbally, here is my written version of "The Talk...."
There is this sentiment out there that young girls use for their advantage, and also use as an excuse: "It will never happen to me." Despite that commonly held view, good things can happen to you, just as there are bad things that can also. Let me get specific.
There are bad people out there who, given the opportunity, will do bad things to you. For that reason, never put yourself in an opportunity for anyone to do anything bad to you. For that reason, I will not allow you to go to Spring Break, either in the United States or in any foreign country. While you may want to have fun with your friends, there are more chances something bad could happen to you, and I hope you can appreciate my position when you get older and have kids of your own.
When you were eight, you knew full well that you weren't allowed to go off with strangers. How and why that rule changes when young girls become adults is beyond me.
You will go to college and get a degree.
You will not... let me say this again. You will not become pregnant before you are 25. There will be a lot of time for you to be a parent should you wish to be one, but to have a child any earlier, especially by "accident", will kill almost every dream you may have for your future. That would make me really mad, and we all know you wouldn't want that.
I'm sure you've heard by now the term "Affirmative Action" and because you are both black and a woman, you've been told that it's a good thing for you. Let me give you my opinion on Affirmative Action.
When you get ready to enter the workforce, I'm sure you'd like people to think that you were hired because you'll make a good employee. There was a time, long ago in America, when people wouldn't hire black people and women. But as you well know, this is now not the case. Affirmative Action was created to make sure you could get a job, but there are still those who hire people using Affirmative Action because they believe black people and women wouldn't be hired without it.
This also means certain people may look at you as someone who was hired just because you are black and a woman. That may hurt your feelings, and it should. That's why you must do well in school so people will hire you because you deserve to be there, and everyone at your new job will know it.
At some point, you'll meet a boy you really like. Should he make it past my screening process which will be a prerequisite before you have your first date, there are certain things you should do to keep your relationship intact.
Certain things here will hopefully start to make sense.
When you were old enough, I insisted you learn to play that football video game. There was a reason for this. Now that you know the rules and can appreciate the game, your relationships with boys will run much more smoothly on Sundays if you can sit down and enjoy a game or two with him. Just ask your mother.
Some of your girl friends may resent football, could care less about teams and players, and watch how little time it takes for their relationship to deteriorate.
What that comes down to is respect for each other's likes and dislikes. How long would it take for you to show some boy the door if he dragged you to some liberal rally bashing Republicans? You'd probably be respectful, but you'll hopefully hate every minute of it having to bite your tongue.
Now I'm not saying you can't date a liberal. You may meet some tree-hugging, Birkenstock wearing, sprout-eating, long-haired, progressive type who may be a genuinely nice person. But if he can't respect your positions and you can't respect his, the relationship never work. Find someone who has the same interests, and should you have competing interests, be sure that the both of you can respect them.
Back to the "It'll never happen to me" thing.
There are rules for a reason. Just because you are cute, doesn't mean you can speed on the road and a cop who pulls you over will let you go because of tears. You know I don't fall for the tears. Never expect anyone else to, especially a stranger.
For that matter, never do anything you know is against the law. People who think they are getting away with things are on borrowed time. They usually get caught when they think nobody's on to them. They are usually the ones crying like babies when they get caught.
You will always get caught at some point.
It's okay to be a girl. Some feminists will tell you that you don't have to do anything to satisfy any man. Those feminists are single.
A good man will do things for you. You should be willing to do things for him. I'll leave those things for you to discover, depending on your man. Most are common sense. Just don't forget the football thing....
People who've read my columns should remember this phrase of mine: "A man should never hit a woman, but a woman should never be dumb enough to hit a man."
First of all, should your relationship ever become violent, don't tell your brothers first. I don't need to be bailing them out.
There is absolutely no reason to get into loud arguments. If your relationship gets to that point, it's time to give it up. If it gets violent, let me know and leave. Never get into you man's face and cuss him out. If you think that kind of abuse will get you your way, you're a fool. If he does the same to you, that means you chose poorly and it's again time to go.
Hopefully you will both be adult enough to know how far any disagreement should go and when and how to end it.
Don't ever let anyone tell you what you can't do. Those are usually people who know your goal is something they can't achieve and bringing you down makes them feel better. Shoot for the stars, learn by your mistakes, as mistakes are part of the path to success.
Overcome your fears. It took awhile to get over the fear of the dark thing, but once you did, you saw just how foolish that fear was. Most fears are like that.
Don't do things that aren't necessary for survival. Have you ever seen me ski? Why going down a mountain on two pieces of wood is attractive to people is beyond me, but way too many people die because they accidentally use trees as brakes. There was no real reason to be skiing in the first place. There are other examples of things you don't need to do to become a better person. Skiing is just one of them.
Lastly, don't get sucked up in the "drama" of it all.
Life will throw you a bunch of curves. As you also know about baseball, you know what that term means.
Getting unduly upset about unfortunate events that happen to you is annoying. Should you break up with some boy, you are not allowed to miss days of school or work so you can get your emotions in check. Bad things will happen. Deal with them and move on. Door slamming and emotional outbursts may make for good programming on MTV, but as a grown up, no one will take you seriously and rightfully so. This too will make Daddy unsympathetic, thus mad.
I hope these pointers will be of use to you in becoming a good conservative woman. Keep a positive attitude whenever possible, and I'll always be proud of you.
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