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Beware the radical ... uh ... Christians?

By J.J. Jackson
web posted April 9, 2007

So, you think our elected leaders are finally taking seriously exactly just how soft of targets our schools really are?  You may certainly think this when New Jersey's Burlington Township School Superintendent Chris Manno said of a mock terrorist attack on the school and training session that "We need to practice under conditions as real as possible".

Well, you'd be wrong.

Were these "terrorists" that were attacking the school people with an actual track record of such activities?  Nope.  In Mr. Manno's world these "terrorists" were none other than radical Christians!  Huh?  Did I miss something?


The premise of the mock attack was that these evil Christians were attacking the school because a student had been expelled for praying before class.  Call me crazy but if that is the scenario, shouldn't the drill have been counseling for the liberal whiner that somehow thought it was ok to discriminate against the religious beliefs of a student and suppress the right of said student to freely practice his or her religion?

No, I guess not.  That wouldn't fit the template I suppose.

Anyway, the drill apparently was seen as successful with Burlington Township Public Safety Director William Corter proclaiming "This should really show how well we work together and respond." He also said of the drill, "If mistakes are made, we want to know how they should be corrected. The things we do right, we still want to see how we can make them better."

What do you mean you want to know "if mistakes where made?"  If?  Ok, how about this?  The drill is wholly unrealistic!

Don't get me wrong.  Wackos can come from all walks of life.  This includes the Christian community.  But I can't think of the last time a group of radical Christians assaulted a school and took hostages because one of our own was prohibited from practicing his or her faith.

Maybe some more realistic scenarios would be appropriate?  Like, oh I don't know, maybe a group of radical Muslim terrorists complete with bomb belts blowing themselves and half the school up because the infidels were not willing to accept Sharia law?  All this would happen after the conflict resolution squad had been called in and while they were trying to talk the terrorists out of this action of course.

By golly!  What am I saying?!  I didn't mean to offend the radical Muslim jihadists and bring these insane local leaders back to reality did I?

Yes, actually I did.

But since we obviously will not deal with reality of Islamic terrorists who believe that their god commands them to kill others who will not accept their god, and since it is apparently too much for these yummy brains to grasp that, I will propose some other goofy scenarios.

Please note, while I admit these are "goofy" they are certainly much more probable than Christian terrorists attacking a school.  And I make that claim based upon actions that have been observed over the years.

Scenario Number One:

After learning of a potentially harmful black mark on the "permanent record" of a young William Clinton, Sandy Berger under orders from the former president charges through the front doors of the school.  Firing at anyone that gets in his way, he heads for the records room with a portable paper shredder attached to his belt.

Students are mowed down in the halls between classes as Berger, filled with blood lust, is focused on his mission.  Once at the records room, Berger kicks in the door and begins to dispose of the incriminating documents.

Police eventually arrive but, upon recognizing who it is that they have in their crosshairs, they lower their weapons.  At trial, a judge gives him a slap on the wrist and demands that he takes a polygraph test which will never be administered.

Scenario Number Two:

Radical animal rights activists learn that the 4th graders have a poor, defenseless hamster named Skippy trapped against his will in a cage calling him their "mascot".  To show their support for animal rights, they storm the school, splatter the walls with red paint and take several students hostage.

Once inside they coerce Skippy into donning a bomb belt by promising him 40 hamster virgins and send him into the principle's office to martyr himself for the cause.  Several of the students are also convinced to be martyrs as well.  After being promised 40 years of recess for their actions, they fan out into the rest of the school to commit jihad.

Police are unwilling to take out the new martyrs and the entire school is blown up.  That is except for the animal rights activists who cowardly sneak out the back door after getting others to do their dirty work.

Scenario Number Three:

Environmental Marxists firebomb the school with Molotov Cocktails.  This action was taken after learning that the school agreed to show Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Lie" ... er ... "Truth" BUT that it also allowed rebuttal from actual scientists who are not part of the falsely claimed "consensus" on manmade Global Warming.  These scientists then proceeded to discuss how the Earth's climate is always changing and how it did so even before humans and Haliburton began to rape Gaia for their own evil purposes.

The school burns to the ground and half the students are killed due to exits that were previously barricaded by the attackers.  The enviro-Marxists promptly blame the excessive CO2 released into the atmosphere by the fire on non-environmentally friendly building materials rather than their own actions.

They then speed off in SUVs that get 15 miles to the gallon.

Scenario Number Four:

ATF Agents storm the school because they have learned that maybe, just maybe, there is a Christian prayer group meeting in the janitor's closet.  In order to justify the raid, they claim that the group is in possession of illegal cache of weapons.

Unable to coerce the Christians out of the closet they use tanks equipped with tear gas launchers to assault the school and kill hundreds when they inadvertently start a fire.  Any students that attempt to escape the blaze have to dodge bullets fired by the agents who claim to be under attack by the children.

Scenario Number Five:

Radical gays attack and hold the school hostage after learning that the school has refused to teach that homosexuality is "normal".  Dressed in drag and gaudy makeup, they take an entire health class hostage and force them to put condoms on bananas and sodomize each other in order to teach them the joys of anal sex.

When the police arrive and begin to arrest the homosexual activists, they assert that it is their civil right to spread information about their lifestyle which the State is currently repressing.

In a 5-4 decision penned by Ruth Bader Ginsberg the Supreme Court agrees and throws the arresting officers in jail for 100 years.

Scenario Number Five:

Supporters of Al Gore and John Kerry band together.  Upset about both candidates losing consecutive elections to an "idiot" and due to perceived fraud (or more accurately their inability to pull off enough voter fraud) they take over the entire school.  The Gore supporters, typically 1960's hippie rejects, and the Kerry supporters, talking about how they witnessed war crimes while in Vietnam although they were never in Vietnam, proceed to remove all pictures of President George Bush from the walls of history classes and replace them with pictures of the "true" President.

However, a dispute erupts between the Gore and Kerry supporters as to who is actually the rightful president.  They begin to slap at each other with limp-wristed assaults.

After the incident some students are found to exhibit effects from biological warfare.  This is later determined to have been the result of exposure to the poor hygiene and horrific body odor emanating from the armpits of the Al Gore supporters. Students caught in the melee suffer minor injuries but otherwise are unharmed, treated and released.  But not before being equipped with propaganda from the attackers to help make them sympathetic to their cause.

So there you have it.  If we're going to play make-believe, let's at least root it in some sort of reality ok?  The whole "Christian Terrorist" scenario is nothing more than a comical attempt by leftists to avoid dealing with reality.  And that reality is radical Islamist Jihadists want to kill all of the infidels.

Author's Note: The original article discussing this incident can be found here:
http://www.phillyburbs.com/pb-dyn/news/112-03232007-1318937.html ESR

J.J. Jackson is a libertarian conservative author who has been writing and promoting individual liberty since 1993 and is President of Land of the Free Studios, Inc. He is the lead editor of Conservative News & Opinion – The Land of the Free and also the owner of The Right Things – Conservative T-shirts & Gifts. His weekly commentary along with exclusives not available anywhere else can be found at http://www.libertyreborn.com.


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